NLP Coaching | Rapport
You are at the right place
In this video, Michael explains why rapport matters.
Rapport is a sense of connection, acceptance and openness between people; which allows communication to happen on a far subtler, automatic level.
It is useful in a number of situations :
- Rapport helps us to lead. Sometimes it’s important to create and maintain rapport. Sometimes it’s useful to break it – if we have too much rapport with someone we’re open to them influencing us, which may not be in either of our best interests. Curiously, if rapport has been established and we break it our client is likely to follow us in order to establish if again. This is called pacing and leading.
- It helps us to learn. We become highly receptive to subtle information when we are in tune with another, and pick up things on a nonverbal level much like a child learning from a parent.
- It helps us in creating an accepting environment for others. It’s worth remembering that when we ask good coaching questions we’re often asking our clients to explore something that’s important to them, that they themselves may have not had the courage to explore; Not only their thoughts, but their memories and feelings. We’re asking them to share with us the processes they’re going through. We are asking for access to a side of them that very rarely sees daylight, and as such may be incredibly vulnerable. A state of rapport, therefore, is crucial to allow them to feel supported and accepted as they explore and express these truths.
How to increase rapport
Rapport is about being ‘like’ or ‘similar’ to someone. It’s difficult to fake rapport (we tend to notice and it creates exactly the opposite effect.)
However, we can encourage it if we:
- focus on similarities rather than differences. If before a meeting we create a checklist of similarities and talk through common ground we will increase rapport. If we already dislike someone, even slightly, we’re likely to focus on how we’re different.
- are aware of context. If we want to establish rapport in a business situation, it’s not the time and place to be too informal – save it for the bar afterwards!
- mirror posture and language. It could also be vocal tone, pace and their use of words. If we’re exploring hypnosis and are looking for a deeper rapport we match breathing rates.
- talk about what’s genuinely of interest to the other person. If we reflect a client’s values we are likely to speed up the rapport process.
The dangers of too much rapport
- When we’re in rapport with a number of depressed people we’re likely to take on their depression. A working strategy when working with those in negative states is to get into rapport for a short period of time, break it and lead them to somewhere more useful.
- When we are in a position of authority, we may not want to get into rapport, as we’re likely to be open to too much influence from others.
- As rapport strengthens empathy and sympathy with other people it becomes very difficult to disappoint them : As a fact of life, we often have to say no.
Senior people and seducers
- Senior people may avoid getting into too much rapport for very pragmatic reasons. They want to protect themselves from being influenced too much. And they may perceive someone who gets into rapport too quickly as not being leadership material. We may need to clash (appropriately) to establish our worth.
- Senior people and seducers may ‘test’ us for emotional strength by continually making and breaking rapport.
Establish rapport before checking understanding
Whilst in rapport with someone, it is very easy to get the impression that we understand what they are talking about on a logical level, but this might not be the case. We have to take some time to check this understanding.
To establish rapport we want to use similar words to our client. Using different words, that is to paraphrase using our own language, goes some way to damaging rapport – but this is necessary in clarifying what they mean to us.
Good practice is to establish rapport first by using our client’s language and then gaining agreement to check understanding by using our own words.
- Before meeting with someone, find out what you have in common. The mental process will help you get in rapport. Test what happens.
- When you first meet someone, take a few seconds to note their posture. Let yourself match some aspect of their posture in one or two areas (I.e are they slouching, folding their arms?)
- When in doubt assume you have rapport.
- Practise breaking rapport (For example, by changing the subject of a conversation to something they might not be interested in.) and then re-establishing it quickly afterwards.
NLP Coaching Section Index
NLP Coaching 1: Introduction
NLP Coaching 2: NLP coaching model
NLP Coaching 3: Beginning frame
NLP Coaching 4: States and anchors
NLP Coaching 5: End goals and direction
NLP Coaching 6: Rapport
NLP Coaching 7: Where are you
NLP Coaching 8: Getting to there
NLP Coaching 9: Mental rehearsal
NLP Coaching 10: End frame
NLP Coaching 11: Summary
Learn how to find time, to create more time
Have you ever wondered what makes successful people achieve success? They plan things in advance, and stick to that plan. They have the discipline to follow through, and have the ability to stay motivated and passionate towards their goals. They manage their time well, and ensure that right amount of time is devoted for important things in life. Their time management skills ensures proper balance in various areas of life, helps them to stay at the top of their game in whatever they do, and to ensure Personal Effectiveness.
Personal Effectiveness and Time management are learnable skills, all you have to do is model right people who exhibit this behavior and follow a routine; Various Personal effectiveness and time management strategies that has been working for many, and it will work for you as well.
If you are committed to reach towards your goals faster, and are looking forward for how to find time to do that. Download my eBook, ‘Personal Effectiveness and Time Management’ by subscribing to my free email newsletter.
You will learn:
1) 12 secrets successful people follow for time management
2) Time Management Worksheet for effectively managing your week
3) Time Management Toolkit – A Blue print for managing time better
4) How to create 14 hours in a week for Personal Growth
Register to download Free eBook
Personal Effectiveness and Time Management
I Need Help to...
If you want Personal and Business Mastery tips, and blogging tips. Join my Newsletter